Daddies' Gendered Journeys
http://buinadine.wordpress.com/2011/06/05/daddies-gendered-journeys/
If there is one thing that can span across barriers of time and space, it is societies’ conscious attitude towards gender roles and what it means to be man and woman. For the longest time there existed an unspoken understanding that the fairer sex was deemed mothers and housekeepers while their husbands held responsibility for protection and financial security. Western cultures were pioneers in challenging these social norms. The 20th century and women rights movement proved to be critical in realigning these gender roles within society, and particularly within the family. Parenting, a job traditionally considered for women, has gradually been taken up by men alike. Due to different government policies and traditions, European fathers are more likely to embrace the joys at home than their American counterparts.
Looking back at thousands of years, in nearly every culture across the world, the traditional image of a family is that of the man at the forefront and center, with his wife in the background. Known as patriarchy – a system in which the male is the primary figure, the “undisputed heads and masters of households” over their wife and children by “law and custom” – society credited the husband as the breadwinner and the wife as the caregiver (Smith 4). Historically, the idea of a working mother started in a farm based economy. Women worked alongside their husbands, helped with farming and tending cattle, all the while performing household tasks like cooking and sewing. Although mothering and production went hand in hand, they did not assert control over what was produced (Smith 5). As society switched to an industry based economy, the roles of man and woman changed within the family. Until then, all family members contributed to the home economy; now the men had to work as breadwinner outside the home while the women were restricted to the home and to provide motherly care for the children and tend to household duties. The “ideology of breadwinning” and providing the family a sense of security gave men a sense of duty and dignity, all the while shaping “their sense of self, manhood, and gender” (Smith 9). In a way, breadwinning was a sign of masculinity.
The 19th century saw the birth of feminism, the change in attitudes towards women’s rights, and the idea of a “new father”. The Great Depression in the 1930s affected both the U.S. and Europe. Unemployment led to fathers being at home more, and society thus started promoting the role of the father as both breadwinner and caregiver to his children (Smith 10). Even so, this did little to change tradition. On the other hand, more and more women found jobs. World War II only reinforced women’s labor. With men going off to war, it was up to the women to work in factories to support the war effort. When the war was over, they were reluctant to resign their new roles and go back to traditional pre-war society. The feminist movement of the 60s and 70s fought against constraints of traditional gender roles, and sought equality in both the workforce and at home. No longer was it solely up to the man to support the family; the burden was shared in two. Marriage now meant equitable sharing of household responsibilities as well as economic support. These implications were increasingly accepted by women, if not so readily by men.
As revolutionary as the feminist movement was, its purpose never was to reverse traditional arrangements. In fact, its forefront demand was to put an end to discrimination at work and to split housework and childcare evenly between spouses (Smith 19). Once women were given more freedom and allowed to push boundaries beyond the home, the odds were more favorable to them. It was modern to pursue a career, but it was also customary for them to be a mother. For men, going from fifty-fifty responsibility to female breadwinner and male caregivers, however, was a long shot. Not only was it a long shot, it was also very critically looked upon. Some were unable or unwilling to let go of being “lord and master” of his household and refused change (Smith 20). The difference between generations was also significant. Older generations, especially those who served during WWII, were less likely than their sons to accept this new shift in gender roles. In their mind, they had defined the true meaning of masculinity, and thus by staying at home, one was less than a man. It was much harder for men to overcome these psychological obstacles. Even so, favorable or not, by the 90s, it was not abnormal to hear the term stay-at-home dad. The image of a nurturing father had become real at last. In traditional or modern societies, childbearing has always been influenced by economic factors. Traditionally, men were employed in the labor market and earned a living to provide for their families, while women were dedicated to domestic work and care activities. Naturally, children grew up under the eye and guidance of the mother. Problems arose when transformations that started taking place in the mid-60s and the “pursuit of personal fulfillment through work” conflicted with “cultural milieu” and family values (Lutz 111).
Nowadays, the birth of the first child and the responsibilities that come with it can lead to adjustments and re-definitions of life patterns, and affects both parents, whereas in previous centuries, it undisputedly fell into the mother’s hands. In a study carried out by Giovannini and Ventimiglia in 1994 comparing four European countries, France, Italy, Denmark, and Ireland, about a third of all respondents said their “life habits had changed very much” after the birth of the first child, and 71% reported that the way they organize their days was changed in some way. The difference in responses lay in the effect on the respondents’ professional tasks. Of Italian parents, only 26% reported no change in effects. The numbers in Ireland, France and Denmark were 37%, 62% and 51% respectively. Tradition still plays a big part in women embracing the mothering role as seen in Italy and Ireland. The greater availability of public childcare and more progressive views could explain the relatively lower effect on professional tasks in France and Denmark (Fine-Davis 99-100). In 2001, the employment ratio for male and female in the U.S. was 80.6% and 67.9%. This is similar to the Netherlands (82.4% and 63.7%), Sweden (74.8% and 71.0%) and the UK (77.8% and 64.6%). There is a larger difference in employment ratio in Germany (72.8% and 57.9%) and even larger in Italy (67.5% and 39.6%) (Daly 75). The birth of a child increases family burdens, and while women who face these burdens in Nordic countries are “balanced by compensatory measures,” the same thing cannot be said in Mediterranean countries (Lutz 114). Not only are women there influenced by social norms, they are also left without adequate support and face a decision of whether to work part-time or become a full-time mother. Other factors also affect families whose parents both work, including working hours, work pressure, and family policies. This has left parents with a dilemma of work-life balance.
The ease and difficulty in reconciling work and family varies across different countries. In the same study carried out in four European countries, 56.8% parents said it was easy to combine work and family life while 43.2% said it was difficult (Fine-Davis 179). One factor in determining the difficulty was the amount of help spouses got with domestic and childcare responsibilities. The more help the woman got from her husband, the easier it was to manage. In the case both parents were busy, the child was often left in the care of schools, childcare centers, or relatives. Although 88% of Danish children were being looked after in day care centers, most Irish or Italian children were looked after by relatives (especially grandparents), partly due to less developed public provision. In Ireland and Italy, 22% and 23.5% of mothers who worked part-time made an effort to care for the children (Fine-Davis 228). The biggest issue factor that contributes greatly to how difficult it was to combine work and family, however, is time. The average number of hours worked per week is 42 hours for men and 32 hours for women. A little over 20% of couples had both partners working fulltime. Of the women interviewed, 27% wanted to work part-time, most claiming they wanted to spend more time with their children. Likewise, 13% of men wanted to work part-time, with a little over half stating they would like more time for children. One strategy to a work-family balance is working part-time, but only 14% of couples adopted the full-time husband/part-time wife pattern. Instead, 24% of couples opted to have the husband employed and the wife to stay at home (Fine-Davis 184). In short, European women want the best of both worlds; they want to lead a professional life while maintaining the role of a mother. Scandinavian countries assist the women’s entry into the labor force by introducing favorable government policies and services aimed at lightening family responsibilities. Southern European countries, however, relied on family ties and the government provided less help and support. Thus, the workload proved too much and women either left the work force to concentrate solely on caring for the family or put off giving birth altogether.
One positive effect of the work-family dilemma is the emerging idea and growing popularity of a stay-at-home dad. In both the U.S. and Europe, more and more men are going against social norms and reversing the breadwinner model. They prove to society how “family roles as caregivers and breadwinners can be negotiated instead of imposed by gender expectations” (Smith 171). Whoever said men could not manage to take care of children? Truth is, these classic gender roles are interchangeable; men can look after the young ones and women can support their families. This rejection of traditional ways is evident in one couple, Chien and Ashley Nguyen of Kansas City, Missouri. Chien was born in Vietnam in 1975. His parents fled the country and settled in Kansas City with help from the Catholic community. Raised in a Catholic Vietnamese household, Chien was influenced by religious and cultural beliefs. He was a scientist in pharmaceutical product development, but without a graduate degree, it was unlikely he would advance much further. His wife Ashley, on the other hand, was a doctor in her third year of residency when they became parents. Instead of taking the dual-income route and placing their two daughters in day care, Chien opted to stay at home while Ashley pursued her career. He took up housework and cooking, as well as various child-care tasks, and is content with his role. The fence that Ashley and Chien had to straddle was not only gender and psychological, but also cultural and religious. When faced with Chien’s fence, other U.S. and European immigrants alike must make the choice of whether to ‘climb over’ old values, customs, and practices to survive or cling on to traditional ways that would hold them back. No longer are men and women bound to certain roles; the 21st century has seen a fusion of old and new family forms: “egalitarian gender values” onto “traditional familialism” (Smith 80-85).
Contrary to popular belief that only women can take care of children, men make good fathers and often find fatherhood to be very rewarding. Caryn Medved, an associate professor of communications at Baruch College in New York, has remarked how many fathers talked about how rewarding and self-satisfying the experience can be. “I’ve had men crying when I interviewed them,” Medved says. “I remember a man in Utah who talked about the ability to be a father in a way his father couldn’t, and the joy he felt in seeing his children grow.” (Stout). Fatherhood triggers a “broad and deep emotional and behavioral changes in fathers, strengthening their attachment to children and their ability to care for them” (Smith 172). Michelle Mullen, a North Carolina breadwinner whose husband, PJ, stays at home, remarks, “A man who changes diapers is just sexy.” At times PJ might have doubts about being a hands-on dad but at the end of the day he is convinced this is the right choice for his family. “You do wonder about your self-worth, because you’re not earning a paycheck,” he says, “But my wife is the only one who matters. As long as she can look at me and realize that I’m doing the best for our family, it doesn’t matter that some random guy thinks I’m less of a man.” (Stout).
The question that now arises is that, if society has provided a gateway for men to overcome traditional norms, why are American dads less likely than their European counterparts to embrace the idea of staying at home? The answer lies in family values and government policies. Americans are aware of, if not astonished at, the depth of generous benefits and services provided for the Europeans. The “European style” is defined by universal health care, paid parental leave, inexpensive to free university education, retirement benefits, unemployment benefits…to name a few. In numbers, in 2009, the U.S. devoted 16% of its $14 trillion economy (about $7300/person) to workfare support, while Europe contributed 27% of its $17 trillion economy (about $9200/person). The 25% more that Europe spends per capita makes a huge difference, and enables Europe to surpass the U.S. in most quality of life categories (Hill 74). Unlike the U.S., when Europe says it supports “family values”, it means it in actual practice. With an aim to keeping every citizen healthy and working, it has geared its government policies to reflect the European conception of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”. By spending “three times more per capita on families than does the U.S.,” Europe exercised a system that puts family in the forefront and center (Hill 75).
Whereas Europe provides paid parental leave for both mothers and fathers in the event of child birth or sick child, the U.S. guarantees nothing. U.S. companies offering paid maternity leave dropped from 27% in 1998 to 16% in 2008. Europe recognizes the importance of raising and caring for a child, especially in the early stages of the baby’s life, and its value for the entire society, and thus provides the necessary help and support to make both parents feel at ease. In Sweden, mothers receive 1.3 years off and two-thirds of their wages during the time off, while also guaranteed the same position when she returns to work. In Norway, the mother gets up to a year off, 80% of their salary, and a secured job position to return to. In the baby’s second year, the father is offered benefits to stay home. While other countries are a bit less generous, benefits are still substantial (Hill 76). On top of the paid leave, European nations pay parents a monthly check for the first eighteen years of the child’s. German and Dutch governments are most generous, paying about $200 per child per month. Called kiddie stipends, these help pay for the child’s needs and development. American families, on the other hand, are left to support themselves. Sadly, the U.S. identifies welfare with socialism instead of support for working families and family values (Hill 79).
Family values are also seen in the amount of time Europeans spend with their families. Americans work on average 1976 hours per year, while the Germans and French work 400 hours less, giving them about an extra seven weeks off. Even the British, deemed hard workers in Europe, work 200 fewer hours, or twenty five days off. These extra days are a combination of shorter workweeks, more vacation time, holidays or more sick leaves. This makes it easier for Europeans to balance their professional and private lives. Parents are able to tend to a sick child, an ailing family member or even take time off for the sake of enjoying life without having to fear job loss. Given the flexibility in career breaks, it is no wonder Europeans are credited with living a life of leisure. That is not to say they have lost their edge or competiveness in the workforce; they are just as productive as Americans (Hill 80).
Childbearing is equally important as having a career. It takes up money, time, and effort on the parents’ part. The transition from being breadwinner to househusband still has an effect on the husband’s ego. Despite the feeling that it might be a blow to one’s masculinity, every father desires to spend more time with his kids. By acknowledging the significance of having a child not only on the family, but also on society, European nations have gone out of their way to make the work-life balance as comfortable as possible. Inarguably, Europeans receive more benefits and support from the government than American do. It is this mindset, and generous assistance from the government, that parents are more likely to stay-at-home with their children, whether it is part-time or full-time.
Gone are the days a father would be looked down upon when he shows affection and caring for his wife and family. Society has changed drastically in recent decades, and the definitive line between what it means to be man and woman has indeed blurred, and the roles have become interchangeable. The gendered journey a man has to take is not without its difficulties and obstacles. Whether it is traditions, customs, or psychological reasons that he has to overcome, in the end, fatherhood is worth it. Between the U.S. and Europe alone, European fathers are more likely to become a full-time Mr. Mom than their American counterparts. Tradition, family values, and government assistance play a major role in their decision. Fathers will find it reassuring to know not only their wives, but also society have got their backs, and more will be embracing the joys of parenthood. If moms can actively engage in the workforce, dads, too, can win children’s hearts at home.Works Cited
Daly, Mary, and Katherine Rake. Gender and the Welfare State: Care, Work and Welfare in Europe and the USA. Cambridge: Polity, 2003.
Lutz, Wolfgang, Rudolph Richter, and Chris Wilson, eds. "Family Forms and the Youth Generation in an Enlarged Nation." The New Generations of Europeans: Demography and Families in the Enlarged European Union.London: Earthscan, 2006. 101-84.
Fine-Davis, Margret. Fathers and Mothers: Dilemmas of the Work-life Balance : a Comparative Study in Four European Countries. Dordrecht: Kluwer Academic, 2004. Print.
Hill, Steven. "Family Values, European Style." Europe's Promise: Why The European Way Is The Best Hope in an Insecure Age. Berkeley: University of California, 2010. 72-92.
Smith, Jeremy Adam. The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family.Boston: Beacon, 2009.
Stout, Hilary. "Real-Life Stay-at-Home Husbands.” msn.com. MSNBC. 9 Aug. 2010. Web. 10 May 2011. <http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/just-dreaming/article.aspx?cp-documentid=25399725>
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