I am not as moral as I think I am [part 1]

I am not as moral as I think I am.

I eat meat, but I do not kill. I believe in Darwin, but I love to think “someone” created us. Unfortunately, those things do not make me more moral than anyone else, or at least, than whom I think I am.

When I was young, I wondered why adults have such a bad memory. They could not remember a famous historical figure or the order of the first 20 elements of the periodic table. How lame they were! Now, I sometimes forget them too. How lame I am! My mind is, at the moment, filled with too many things. When I was 10, everything was much more simply. I had somewhat 20 friends. Now, that figure has multiplied 10 times, including acquaintances. I have no room in my brain to remember where Argon is on the table. The same thing happens to my right brain. I used to criticize people who chased after money and materialism. I thought I was better than them. I was, for sure. But I am not, now.

Do we like charity? Do we want to volunteer whenever we have a chance? We want to help people, don’t we? When I was young, I wanted to be Superman, not to have superpower, but to help people. Now, I do not even buy a lottery from an old man in the streets. I do not give to beggars. I do not donate voluntarily. And what if I had superpower? I will try to rule the world, or to be rich.

When I was a freshman, the first time I took a bus I told myself that I would always give seat to women and elders. Now, I still give seat to elders, but not always to girls. I am not turning gay. I am just sometimes too tired to stand and hold. When we finish a very hard day, we just want a rest. What is the difference between an exhausted young man and a lively woman? I do not know. I only know they both need some rest. Or sometimes, we hope that others will do instead of us. The presence of others reduces sense of personal responsibility. Why do I have to do while the man next to me does not? But it does not matter what I think or how I am, people judge others by results and actions, not by thoughts or intentions. There is no difference between deliberately and not deliberately doing bad things. No matter what you think or intend, when you do a bad thing, you become a devil.

kz

someday before 21

part 1